Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a mighty tool. But in the past I have falsely believed that maybe there are some things that cannot be forgiven and must be let go of by other means. In years time it may take a major event in order to recognize the negative impact unforgiving has played in one's life. If we never truly let go, then a burden sears anger, lack of patience, and frustration into our daily lives.

In my own, I feel I have been inhibited. That in the past couple of years, especially since graduating from college, I have not nurtured my hobbies and dedication to the natural world. Maybe I have not nurtured these because I never forgave. But the words, "I forgive you" even sound arrogant to me. Shouldn't we more say to another, "I have let go of the grudge,"? Maybe you don't need to be forgiven. And maybe I don't need to be forgiven. But the negative association has been lifted. No one is at fault because we were both at fault. When memories lay heavy on our hearts, they become fetters. We cannot excel in other facets of life because of this limiting factor.

Lately I have been attempting to meditate on the places where I have felt my greatest peace. Tennet Mountain on several occasions, Big Rock Trail in DuPont, the top of Moore Cove waterfall, slowly swimming laps in an empty pool. These images bring back reflections of peace of mind and heart. When I do this I feel a type of emptiness that is followed by rejuvenation. Why have I not done this before? Why have I not given myself the jumpstart that I so longingly desired?

In a while, I have lacked hope of a new beginning. And here is one set in front of me. I am not completely lifted of my fetter, the "unforgivable" act, but I feel the chains loosening. As they do, doors are beginning to open. If I keep those pieces of WNC in my mind, then I am able to tip-toe into the first steps of moving forward.