Recently I journeyed to the Red River Gorge"ous" to surprise Dan who had been on a brief solo climbing adventure. By the end of the weekend I began reflecting on the dichotomy of happiness and optimism. They are masked by their abundant similarities to seem as interchangeable terms. But they are different, and very much so.
That weekend I climbed harder routes than I have been able to in just about a year's worth of time. A hand "injury" has held me back for quite some time. Whenever I reached anything at a 5.9 grade or pulled on a hold at just the precise angle, pain would shoot through my hand and radiate. Unexplained it came and went and my spirits toward climbing declined. But I still went outside on occasion. I remained OPTIMISTIC that I still enjoyed being outside, with friends, climbing on fun boulders and routes even if I had to hold back on how much I did. The optimism was there, sometimes quickly fleeting, but the feeling of being beat down lurked beneath the shallow positivity.
The inherent happiness that comes with climbing slowly evaporated away and I found myself asking why I still held on. Climbing reached a point that it no longer made me happy. The weekend I climbed without the hindrance of pain I felt happiness rush back into my soul like a fresh storm. I remembered how to connect with the route and the pure feeling returned of enjoying a beautiful, sunny day filled with friendly strangers and puppies to pet. And with that joy, my optimism lifted without restrain.
Optimism usually follows happiness, but happiness does not always follow optimism.
I see many people who are optimistic. But I wonder if it is because they are happy, or if it is just a mask to hide the questions lingering inside. I wonder if the smiles and laughter come from a deeper place, genuine. Rather is it a facade in an attempt to cover internal chaos?
Sometimes I believe we just need a reminder when the pain has gone away to tell us why we continue on with the decisions we have set for ourselves in life. To remember that there is happiness to be found in our situations. A cleansing of life and a return to contentment of the raw components of who we are.
